i told myself repeatedly not to get affected anymore..
i tried bt i cant
i can almost fill all of my tears from sch to home with a big bucket
i feel lyk the more i wanna make things better, the more i wanna be happy, the more i wanna this r/s to work out well, the more i feel stressed, the more i feel unhappy
bt i tried.i tested you.i asked u if i cld go to the library nw, wld u wan mi to go?
u dint say any yes or no. u said as if you have no choice bt to let mi go
bt noe wat i feel? i feel tt u nv wanted mi to go at all
i told myself have the courage to know the girl, to make frens so i wun feel so weird when your go out tgt or study tgt. becos at least i know who it is
bt u said it was becos u were afraid of hw i felt of hw i wld react becos tt tym when i brought yz to the library to meet u said u dint feel gd.so okie.i dint bring any other guys who were interested in mi or tot i wasnt attached, since u dint lyk it.
if you were me, when i go out with other guys, will u be happy?
not to say you nt knowing who the person is.
even if i go with nigel, with don, you also will be unhappy
so wat makes u tink i can take it when u go with a girl tt i dunnoe?
furthermore she is the girl tt led to our breakup previously
wat makes u tink i can take it?
u can tell mi justin or whoever is there too we are just lyk brothers sisters
by saying tt does it even makes mi feel better?
no.it doesnt
bt i m glad u told me.
and i told myself at least u told mi, for tt i m glad
i m feeling really very terrible inside nw.
i know u are nt doing anything tt betrays my trust
bt i jus dun feel good abt it
i feel really really very insecure by wat u do
at first u tell mi u gg with ur sch frens
den u say u gg with yi neng
den lastly u say u gg with her
so from the beginning u alrd had the intention to call her alrd wat
so wats the point of telling mi abt ur sch frens
i asked sheryl-lynn todae was i being unreasonable
she said no i was perfectly normal
so i thought to myself just wats the problem
was it mi being over-sensitive? or wat?
the ans dint came to mi.
i just knew hw insecure i feel
jus nw when i asked u why clnt u intro the girl to me
den u said orh i tonite intro u to her
hello! i dunnit u to intro her to me! i dint need u to let mi noe her!
i just wanted to make myself more comfortable!
bt ur every sms disappointed mi
cos it seems lyk u nv made any effort to make mi feel tt way
does it mean u can study when u are studying with yi neng and her?
den why always when we go library on sat u nv seem lyk u wanna study
i dunnoe..
i told my mum i will end at 5 plus
in the end i ended at 3
i walked everywhere aimlessly and just kept tinking
bt did u even care?
did u even bother to msg mi where i was?
every min i looked at my phone no msg
and when finally 2 msgs came it wasnt u
it was someone else
well.i dunnoe wat to say. really
i dun feel angry with u
bt i just feel sad, pain and insecurity
i tried to understand u better.i tried to calm myself down
bt i cant.
u nv asked mi if i willl lyk to join ur.u just assumed i wil feel uncomfortable by seeign tt girl there.
is it mi feeling uncomfortable or u feeling uncomfortable?
u noe it.
i arranged my tuition everyting just to fit nicely to ur schedule
mon-tuition
thurs-tuition
fri-tuition
tues u end late i always come home early to prevent my mum frm suspecting anything
bt it seems all these are useless
i can also just go and study with my frens any day i lyk
wed i left it free.. free for us
bt i tink u dint realise hw packed my timing is bt yet i always left a slot for u
i dunnoe wat else to say
i have tried watever i can
done the best i can
and i m always trying and trying
when we always talk online i m always wondering to myself are u talking to her
why do i have to make myself so tired?
i dunnoe
i really dunnoe
bt hw i wish i will ever noe..... =///
